Passions released

I am rather frustrated with my relationship with my boyfriend. Want to know the sad part? He isn't who I am mad at, it's his parents -actually it's his whole damn family! I have been dating this sweet, wonderful man for almost 3 years. We started having sex about 4 months into our relationship (although if it was up to me it would have been sooner). Why the delay? He is...Christian *gasp*

Now Christians don't bother me, I'm rather apathetic about people's religions actually. But when people are so absorbed and concerned about their religion that it seems to be the only way they can exist is for God, then I get a teensy bit uncomfortable.

Now why should I be uncomfortable about my boyfriend's family's cult-like love for God? Well, the major issue is that I can't be myself. I can't even post inappropriate (but hilarious) posts on my facebook profile fearing that his mother (who is friends with me on fb - I know big mistake!) will judge me and inform the rest of the family to follow suit. I can't express any liberal ideas without them pretty much "correcting me" saying that actually its not the right way of thinking..

Another issue I am having is that his family is stifling my sexuality. I am a big believer in sexual liberation and women's right and ability to explore her sexuality freely without judgment or persecution. But no for me - I have to seem like the good, virginal young lady that is going to marry their son and bring forth many babies. This makes me feel like this hypocrite because I don't stand up to his family and say "no thanks" to their narrow-minded way of thinking and their unrealistic expectations for me. But instead I just don't react to it all, I don't encourage it by pretending that I agree, but I also don't discourage it by firmly expressing myself. I don't want to upset my boyfriend's relationship with his family because I'm this crazy feminist that is bent on corrupting their precious son with my liberal vagina.

However, my boyfriend and I simply perfected the art of fucking discreetly, we know how to do it doggie style in the back room while the rest of the family is else where, we also know many positions that are actually pretty comfortable in his pick up truck.

Thankfully he got his own place though, I was actually forgetting what it was like to have sex in a real bed.

In society and especially the media good sex is the ultimate, desirable aspect in a relationship, or in a ‘non-relationship’. Good sex is shown everywhere; it is plastered through out women’s and men’s magazines. The expectation of good sex is seen on television, commercials, and movies. It is joked about and admired. It has its own aisle in books stores and has inspired hundreds of workshops to help people achieve this desired commodity. Good sex is in high demand, and the supply is right along up there.

As a growing adolescent and teenager, I have learned about sex mostly through school and hearing others joke about it. Besides the sex-education week provided in health class that would just re-educate us on the matter, I learned what sex was by my peers (who were unfortunately just as clueless as I was). Sex was considered ‘bad’ or ‘dirty’, those that had sex at a young age were judged greatly, however, deep down they were also envied by all.

I didn’t hear about good sex or how to have it until I started to read teen magazines and watched television shows geared more towards adults. Whenever one of my girlfriends would buy a Cosmopolitan Magazine, all of the girls (including myself) would huddle around and absorb every page as if we were cramming for an exam that was due the next day. We would read all of the articles describing in great detail explicit and exciting sex acts to perform ‘for your man’ to ‘blow his mind’ or ‘make him coming back for more’. Ways to keep your man interested in you sexually and to bring your sex life to the expected level. We would be giggling the whole time, despite how these magazines are instilling in our rather young minds what is expected of us as a woman, a girlfriend, a lover or a wife. We are responsible as good lovers should to know the man’s secret spots and what would “drive him crazy”.

I mean, why just have sex when you can have good sex? Much of the media and commercialism in this country seems to be giving us that important message. They offer many incentives to help all couples achieve that high status of pleasure. Unfortunately, this commercial and highly-demanded expectation of good sex cheapens the act of making love, having sex or simply fucking. Why should sex have any expectations, obligations or requirements? Sex is supposed to be instinctual and driven by lust or nature. It is our primal urge to continue the species, that alone is such a powerful reason, why add more?

Of course when having sex you want it to feel good and to be satisfying, but when so much expectation or obligation is added on, it makes it seem so much like a chore than fun. Sex needs to return back to its natural state. Sex doesn’t need to be between two defined partners, it doesn’t need to be carefully planned or seen as so damn important. Once you release sex of all of these expectations, then you will really be able to enjoy it. This demand for good sex will no longer have such a powerful hold, simply because once its lifted, everyone will already be having it.